Building Trust

One of the hardest things about being a parent is trust. Namely, trusting that your little baby will continue breathing and living even if your eyes aren't on him every single moment. Our first few days featured Ed and me sleeping in shifts so that someone was always holding and caring for our baby (and making sure he was okay). After a day at home, we graduated into Evan sleeping next to my side of the bed, and while I did sleep, I had to face him and was constantly leaning in to listen to his breathing and sometimes either turning on the light or using the light from my phone to check on him.

Now, almost a month in, I am starting to relax a little. Evan still sleeps right next to me (and I don't see that changing any time soon), and I still listen for Evan breathing at night, but I am okay with not facing him the entire night. I also don't freak out every time his breath sounds funny, because I've learned that this doesn't mean he can't breath, and I can trust that his breath will go back to normal soon.

We're also working on trust in other areas. Ed and I even left him with grandparents on a couple of occasions! We didn't go far, but enjoyed a couple nice dates, including sushi for Mother's Day.

Even though we were literally just down the street (about a 2 minute drive), and were leaving Evan in capable hands, I was a bit nervous. A nice glass of wine helped me relax though :). 

I've also started trusting that Evan can handle actually going places. I've been attending a breastfeeding support group through the hospital once a week, and went to a baby storytime with some friends from the midwife group this week. And, we actually braved going to a cafe with Ed today! Evan did pretty well, and it was really nice to get out, and get to spend some time with Ed while he was working. It was fun to do something that we did some much as a couple, but with our little one in tow. Still haven't run any real errands yet, but someday I'll brave the grocery store :). 

And, it probably the biggest jump of trust, Evan is currently napping out of sight! Granted, he is literally just around the corner of the family room, but he is on his own in the pack in play. Since he's only about 20 feet away, I'm sure experienced parents will laugh at me, but I went ahead and hooked up our video monitor so that I could keep an eye on him.

This thing is fantastic! I can actually seem him breathing on it, and the video lets me know he's okay even when he's making some crazy noises. Thanks to this monitor, a swaddle, and the pack n play, Evan has been napping most of the afternoon (with a couple eating breaks and a bath thrown in). It's been one of the most peaceful, productive, and relaxing ones we've had in a long time. Evan seems very content, and I am very much enjoying letting our little boy sleep. 

It's hard to believe that he'll be one month old on Tuesday! He has already grown up so much and is such a special little boy.