Road to 100k

With the fact that I've been able to run and walk successfully all of two days, it might seem a be preposterous that I've just signed up for a 100k. More so, when I reflect that I only was really able to run maybe 4 solid months last year between injuries and illness. And even more so knowing I have an unreliable body that likes to fail periodically and sometimes loses the ability to eat. 

But, nonetheless, last night I signed up for the Tahoe Rim Trail 100k race. My very first 50k back in 2008 was the Tahoe Rim Trail 50k, and the highs I felt in that race have never faded. Last year, I backpacked in the mountains for the first time in Tahoe and ran Broken Arrow, and again felt the magic of that place. And so I've decided to be brave. Maybe a little foolish, or foolhardy as well, but life is short. There is no guarantee that I'll have another summer after this one for running adventures. To be honest, it's a leap of faith to think my body can hold it together the next 8 months to put together a solid training block. But, I'm ready to jump.

24 hours later, I can't stop smiling about having a loud, audacious goal on the calendar. The race has a 24 hour time limit, but technically I could count as an unofficial finisher as long as I finish by the end of the 100 miler race, in 36 hours. All I've got to do is keep moving. 

So, technically, my race training started yesterday. Right now I'm run/walking 2 miles in 3 minute intervals. And I'm going to build this base, brick by brick. The positive of starting over so many times is I've gotten better and better at it. I know I can't rush it, and I need to actually include strength training and yoga, and take care of my body on all the levels. Good fuel, good rest, good relaxation. 

I'm planning on a summer of adventure and am going to do everything I can to get myself there. 

6 years at a Glance

It's been ages since I've used this blog, another 6 years, and this writing style has fallen by the wayside. Nowadays everything seems focused on clickbait titles and selling a story, versus a place to share a journal about your life. On the plus side, I can start using this without thinking too much about an audience. 

The last 6 years have been bumpy, to say the least. I ended up getting very sick, getting a feeding tube, and then almost dying when that stopped working. And while I had a surgery that is offering a temporary fix, odds are that my issues will return in the next 4-5 years, 10 if I'm lucky. My two years of illness has also meant that I still struggle with multiple chronic health issues that add a lot of complexity to trying to be a runner, de-railing me, it feels like, every time I get started again. 

Yet, I haven't given up yet. I ran my first race post sickness in 2022, Rodeo Beach 1/2 marathon, and my first ultra, Quicksilver 50k in May 2024, followed by the Golden Gate 50k in November. Then, a freak slip at home led to a broken kneecap and 4 months off running (and on crutches for 2 of them). I recovered, rebuilt, and ran Broken Arrow 23k in July, felt on top of the world, only to be hit by a crippling Fibromyalgia flare, and subsequent gastroparesis flare, that sidelined me for 3 months. And then after 2 weeks of recovery, bronchitis and asthma flare. 

It short, I have been a mess. A less stubborn person would take it as a sign and just stop trying to be a runner. But I'm wildly stubborn. And I love getting to feel like a strong person, increasingly so when I have so many stretches where my body isn't my own. where I'm stuck in bed and can barely move and the easiest things are hard. The drive to feel that strength keeps me going. 

Dusting off the Blog! Health Updates

It's been literally years since I've written on here, and I'm guessing I have no readers anymore, but that's okay. Life has been turned on it's head in the last two years and I'm finding myself once again in need of a place to write down my thoughts and feelings and life experiences, this time dealing with Chronic Illness.

So, here's a quick catch-up of my downward health spin since Noah was born, and how I'm handling everything (spoiler: not well). I don't even know that I'll ever share this site anymore, but I'm tired of the same old vents in my facebook groups, and I'm sure people are tired of listening. Plus, this way I'll have documentation that's dated of my symptoms, which will hopefully come in handy.

So, rewinding back to 2017. My amazing second child, Noah, was born in January, after an incredibly rough pregnancy, where I was all but bedridden do to symphysis pubic dysfunction (SPD), a super painful condition that made any movement feel like I was being torn in two. That, plus awful reflux that could only be cured by drinking milk, meant that I gained a whopping 60 lbs by the time I gave birth.

By the time Noah was born, I was so excited about eating normally and getting physical activity again, that I jumped right in. A month after he was born, I committed to healthy eating and weight loss and was able to drop about 4o lbs in the next 3 months. Unfortunately for me, that apparently kickstarted the formation of gallstones and I suffered a gallstone attack at the end of May. I honestly thought I was dying and had to drag the whole family, including a 4 month old, to the ER.

Once I was diagnosed and given something for the pain, I was set up to meet with a GI doctor the following week, and recommended that my gallbladder was removed, a decision I still regret. I was told it was very low risk and if I didn't remove it, I would likely suffer life threatening complications.

I mourned the restricted low fat diet I now had to follow, especially with summer coming up, but knew I didn't want to risk another attack before my surgery on July 5th. The surgery was uneventful, though lifting restrictions meant that I couldn't carry Noah for almost a month, which was super hard. My mom came to help, which was huge, and I made it through the rest of the summer.

That is, until August. Right around the start of the school year, I suddenly had what felt like a gallstone attack, except I had no gallbladder! Terrified that I'd screwed up things from the surgery, we quickly headed to the ER where I was given some pain meds, told it was likely a leftover stone that hadn't been caught, and that I just wasn't fully recovered from the surgery yet. It was a long night (I think Evan stayed awake until 11!) and told to stick with low fat eating a bit longer.

The next month saw me start my 9th year of teaching, 4th grade this year. It was a stressful start, but still fun, and I naively thought my health issues were behind me. I set up an appointment with a GI doctor for mid-September, to talk about what happened at the ER and next steps. He thought that since it had been a month, I could try to add a little fat back into my diet.

That weekend, we headed to Tahoe to celebrate my birthday. We had lunch and I tried to get a somewhat low fat choice, but it being my birthday, and having just gotten the clear from my doctor, I was a little less careful than normal. Within a couple hours, I began to feel awful - nauseous and in pain. I remember we went to a lakefront beach and I was just curled up on the blanket watching the water. Finally, I begged for us to just go back to the hotel. Ed took Evan out for some food and I threw up and figured I had a stomach bug.

But the pain and nausea just kept building. Suddenly around 2 in the morning, the pain just exploded. I ran to the bathroom, sick from both ends, and feeling like I was dying. I was in so much pain I knew I'd never make it to the car, and begged Ed to call an ambulance. I was taken to the local ER where I was given something for the pain and tests were run, which showed my liver enzyme numbers were incredibly high. Something was wrong, they just didn't know what.

To be continued...

Hospital Pictures *from 2017*

Two Months! *from 2017^

Stats: 
Weight - 14lb 1oz. (+4lb 8oz)Noah is our little peanut! He's so much smaller than Evan, probably because he eats about half as often, plus he actually spits up. We'll take it though - no hurry for this guy to get big. 
Height - 23.6 inches (+2.6) 
Head circumference - 15.5 inches at birth

Noah is in 6 month clothing, though those still have plenty of room. It's funny having a baby that grows so much more slowly. 

Likes:

Noah continues to be such a sweet baby. He's definitely gotten a little bit fussier this month, but it seems like it's lining up with a developmental leap. And, he's still so much more easy going than Evan. He gave us his first smile right at 2 months, and has started cooing, which is just the sweetest thing ever. He still loves being in a carrier, which has been great since I have been hiking almost every day that I can. Baths are also a favorite place - the few evening where he has been fussing, a bath has been a sure fire way to cheer him up. We've switched over to him being in the ergo since the moby has been feeling tight, which has been nice. I've also started using my wrap more, which I love! Noah has also started to look at us more, and loves staring at us and Evan and making sounds. It's the best to see my boys together. 

Dislikes:

Noah is fully switched to sleeping in the main part of the pack n play, which I'm really happy about. He still sometimes has trouble settling back down, but he's getting better and better at it. 

There isn't too much that Noah really dislikes, thank goodness. He rarely cries, except when he is having his diaper changed/is getting dressed and when he's in the car (though this is starting to get better). While he does give us some good stretches of 3-4 hours of sleep at night, which is amazing, he sometimes has trouble settling back down to sleep after he eats. Thankfully, after plenty of practice with Evan, I'm much more comfortable with bedsharing and will sometimes pull Noah into bed with us if he refuses to settle. That will usually give us a good hour or two extra and helps us all get some extra rest. 

Such a sweet baby!

Noah: One Month

Poor Noah - I wrote out this whole post reflecting on his first month and it's nowhere to be found. Even though he's almost at 6 weeks, he still remains the same wonderful baby. Hopefully I can still do him justice :). 

Stats: 
Weight - He was 11 lb 14 oz at 2.5 weeks, a whole 3 ounces more than Evan at 1 month! He is growing quickly, getting longer and chubbier every day
Height - 21 inches at birth, but he's grown a lot since then
Head circumference - 14.5 inches at birth

We'll have the next set of measurements at 2 months. We moved him to 0-3 month clothes when he was a little less than 2 weeks old, and some of those are already starting to seem tighter.

Likes:

Noah is such a lovely baby and has plenty of likes. He loves being held, which makes me happy since I love to hold him. He's taken to all of the baby carriers we have, which has been very helpful when juggling two kids. We use the ring sling a lot, especially if I need to hold him around the house during dinner or when helping Evan with something. Carriers have also allowed us to do lots of hikes and walks. Noah seems to enjoy being outside and the few times he's been awake on hikes, he's seemed enamored with his surroundings. 

He also loves his baths, which is just the cutest thing. He'll be fussy as we get him undressed, but as soon as I lower him into the water, he just calms down and relaxes. After being resistant the first week, Noah also has become a fan of the swing. The key has been to swaddle him before we lay him down. Like his brother, he also likes being on his changing pad upstairs. 

Dislikes:

There isn't too much that Noah really dislikes, thank goodness. He rarely cries, except when he is having his diaper changed/is getting dressed and when he's in the car (though this is starting to get better). While he does give us some good stretches of 3-4 hours of sleep at night, which is amazing, he sometimes has trouble settling back down to sleep after he eats. Thankfully, after plenty of practice with Evan, I'm much more comfortable with bedsharing and will sometimes pull Noah into bed with us if he refuses to settle. That will usually give us a good hour or two extra and helps us all get some extra rest. 

Important Events:
Since this was his first month of life, everything was pretty important. Some big highlights, though, were definitely family visits. 

My parents came the for his birth and the first week, Sabine (Ed's mom) came right after that, and Aunt Kortney visited in the hospital. But of course, one of the most important was when Evan met Noah. Evan gave Noah a very soft grey bunny, and Noah "gave" Evan a set of Duplo vehicles. Evan is so sweet with Noah and loves to help. 

Challenges:
So far, it hasn't been nearly as challenging and I feared adjusting to life as a family of 4. Thanks to Evan, we're already used to not getting much sleeping, so we haven't been in such a daze, like we were the first time around. The worst was just recovering from surgery and being limited physically. I've been able to start doing some hikes/walks, and I've been feeling better every day, though. 

Also, while Evan has been great, the novelty of being a big brother has worn off a little bit. When I'm holding or nursing Noah, Evan will of course also want cuddles and will get a little jealous. Still, all around, it hasn't been bad. I give so much thanks that with family visiting and Ed working a limited schedule, so I've almost always had an extra set of hands. 

Mommy Successes:

Overall, I've been feeling very successful *knock on wood*. I've been spending an increasing amount of time alone with both kids, and am starting to figure out how to juggle nap and bedtime. Of course, it's not too hard when Noah will let me just put him in the rock n play while I take care of Evan, without a peep. I've also started eating healthier again, now that I'm not so limited by pregnancy, and that's felt great too. I'm also thankful that I'm so much less anxious about everything the second time around. I'm much more trusting of Noah and don't need to check on him every two minutes to make sure he's breathing like I did with Evan. Everything feels a bit easier. Nursing is amazingly better than with Evan; after only a week it got to that easy place that it took over a year to get to with Evan. 

Daddy Successes:

Ed has been much more confident this time around, and has been doing a great job taking care of Noah and even both kids sometimes. It feel like we're much better about sharing the parenting responsibilities. Ed has also been taking Evan on lots of adventures to give me more solo time with Noah, much to Evan's delight. The highlight so far has been running across the Golden Gate to Crissy Field and back.

Best Moments:

Is it corny to say everything? We have been loving life as a family of four. It's been especially wonderful when we've done the things I dreamt about while I was pregnant, like hiking together or going to Spring Lake. It's even better than I'd imagined. Besides that, though, just soaking in all the newborn loveliness has been so wonderful. 

My favorite is just holding Noah while he sleeps on my chest. 

Noah's Birth Story

It doesn't seem that long ago that I typed up Evan's long, dramatic birth story. It was as much about processing as about documenting, and is an account I treasure. So, while Noah's birth was by all accounts relatively uneventful, it's still something I want to preserve. 

This birth story starts closer to when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I was at my physical therapy appointment where I was still in a good amount of pain. It was hard to walk and excruciating to turn from one side to another. While I was laying there, facing away from my PT, I asked the question to which I didn't want the answer. Did she think it was a good idea for me to try for a VBAC. And, she answered exactly how I'd feared - given my inability to walk or move positions, plus the likelihood I'd have a large baby, plus the fact that I wouldn't be able to push my knees very far apart during labor, and she thought the risk of injury for me was too high to risk it. She knew my ultimate goal was to be able to be active again as soon as possible, after almost 5 months of no physical activity, and she said that c-section recovery would be far shorter than recovering from a pelvic injury. With that knowledge, I changed my midwife appointment to an OB/GYN and scheduled our c-section for January 16th (which was later changed to the 18th). 

(looking every inch of 39 weeks)

The few days leading up to our hospital date were busy with checking final things off of our to do list, plus having a handyman finish a last minute bathroom renovation. We soaked in the last days with Evan as our only child, made sure the house was very clean, and tried to get in as many naps as possible. We also welcomed my parents' arrival and had a lovely family meal with them and my sister. I was excitedly nervous going to bed the night before, and we didn't get to sleep until about midnight. 

Since I was cut off from eating at 4am, I woke up a little after 3 and made myself one last filling meal - an egg quesadilla - and then got back to sleep until Evan got us up around 7. We got him ready for school and Ed took him while I called the hospital to find out if we were still on. We were, so it was go time!

We arrived at the hospital at 10, checked in, and got settled in our waiting room. 

It was a little anti-climactic to have so much energy going into this, and then to be sitting and watching tv while we waited. They prepped me with my IV, monitors, etc. and then we waited some more as we got bumped for an emergency c-section. Finally, at 12:45, it was time for us to get on our surgical gear and head to the operating room. 

They had Ed wait in a side room while they got me set up. The hardest part of the surgery was surprisingly putting in the spinal - there were a lot of failed attempts, but finally it was set and then it was go time. The nurses joked that with the heavy rain outside, Noah was the perfect name for this little boy as they finished the prep, put up that blue screen, and brought in Ed. 

And, in less than 10 minutes, this happened.

This was both the best and hardest part of the delivery. I could hear our sweet boy's primal cry, but I couldn't see him. And, since the baby warming area was towards my feet, I had to stay in the dark about our little boy while they checked him out. Thank goodness he kept crying and I could hear his sweet voice. 

Thankfully, Ed got to be there to cut the cord, watch the exam, and bring him to me after an excruciatingly long 10 minutes. 

But then, I got to see our sweet 9lb 9oz boy, all 21 inches of him, and we had the most beautiful skin to skin while they finished the surgery. I even got to nurse him while they were finishing the surgery. It was so surreal to have our new little boy in my arms and enjoy this special family time. 

Once they were done, it was time to head to recovery. I couldn't get over how much better I felt than after Evan's delivery and I was so eager for our recovery room stay to end. 

Thankfully, by 4pm we were settled in our room and ready to begin our life with our new little boy. 

While it wasn't exciting, we definitely preferred this low stress birth. Our boy was all 9s, with scores of 9 and 9 on his Apgar and weighing 9lbs 9oz. Noah and I had zero health issues in the hospital and got to come home almost exactly 48 hours after we arrived. We feel so thankful that this was the birth story we both chose and received - it was definitely the right choice and brought us our sweet Noah.