Right now, It's 7:52 on a Monday. I should be jumping in my car and driving to work. Instead, I'm sitting on the couch, figuring out what I want to do on my first day of maternity leave.
And to be honest? I'm having a bit of trouble letting go. I am never very good about having a sub - what if I forgot to prepare something? What if they don't show? And somehow maternity leave takes all those stresses and compounds them into this big glob of stress, because I can't just fix it the next day - this is for the rest of the year! Now, I comfort myself knowing that if there really were something I'd forgotten, someone would let me know. The sub has all my contact info and actually emailed me yesterday, so I do know deep down everything will be fine.
There is just this guilt about *abandoning* my students. I think it would have been easier mentally, in some ways, if I'd taught up until I went into labor, because then I would have had to leave. Right now, I technically could still be teaching, I am just choosing not to. Don't get me wrong, I was very ready to be done. My body is definitely feeling it at this point, and I do need time to get lots of rest and get some things done before Evan shows up.
I'm hoping that after today, I'll get used to my new normal. After all, it'll be almost a year and a half until I step back into a classroom as the teacher, which seems incredibly surreal. I get to focus on my new role as "mom" now, which is amazing, and exciting and just a little bit scary. So, good positive thoughts that my students will be fine and that I will be fine and we all enter into this new transition.